I Am Bipolar

Few days ago was the World Mental Health Day. I am here to tell you that I am bipolar. Bipolar Disorder includes depressive and (hypo)maniac periods, but it's just the top of a iceberg. It's possible to feel both at the same time and psychotic effect are usually part of both extremes, for example.

I have to give up on school because of depression episode I'm going through at the moment. Doctor gave me two months of sick leave and then in school they said it's not possible for me to continue studying after that. I would be too far behind with studies, it would be impossible to catch up. I can continue studying this curriculum next August if I want to. But I don't, clearly this is something I can't do with this condition

For me exhaustion is the biggest negative effect. Depression eats the will to do or even enjoy anything and hypomania uses too much of my vitality leaving me dead tired. During hypomania things are a bit more in control compared to mania, but hypomania can last longer and drive people to total exhaustion. It feels like happiness and joy but far too fast, that's why it's so dangerous.

And because life keeps bouncing between these two and also stages in-between, it usually feels like going in circles. I'm always learning and growing, finding ways to be in control of different situations but it's still hard to start again after shutdown. At the moment I'm sad that I had to resign from school, I feel defeated. But I know I need to rest my head now for awhile and then return with projects, ideas and inspirations.

Read my next entry about bipolar-themed hat project: BIPOLAR, the hat collection

2 kommenttia:

  1. Puhut tärkeästä asiasta, mielenterveys on puheenaihe joka pikkuhiljaa on onneksi muuttumassa tabusta normaaliksi asiaksi. Onhan se iso osa ihmistä. :) Haluan todellakin nähdä ne hatut!

    1. Luulen että näistä on hyvä puhua mahdollisimman paljon, asioita on helpompi ymmärtää jos ei salaa näin suuresti vaikuttavia asioita. Tietysti välillä miettii että tuleeko kohdelluksi epäreilusti, mutta tietoisuus on lopulta tärkeämpää ja auttaa korjaamaan asenteita.